Murky Pools

 I simply melted.

My bones became fluid and I no longer held any form.

Pooled to the ground and lay there.

It didn’t matter.

Nothing mattered.

How could it matter anyway?

Who was I trying to fool?

The only one that didn’t know was me.

I didn’t have a clue about the hopelessness of it all.

Like trying to change the course of a raging river.

Betting on a miracle or holding onto to magic

Only to find that miracles are for somebody else

And the magic was only a lie you told yourself to avoid the pain.

Well, time clears away all clouds.

The cream floats to the top and the crap sinks to the bottom.

There is no changing your composition.

You are who you are and you are destined to run in your own herd.

Everything is as it is and there is nothing you can do to change it.

I had wondered about those people who live with excruciating pain everyday.

There is no getting away from it.

No matter what you are doing it is always there demanding center stage.

So much effort is used to simply concentrate on not noticing it.

Something they can’t beat. It always comes back to focus.

I wonder but sometimes I know.

I think I always knew, but like stepping into cold water I tend to take things in stages.

Carefully moving into deeper water.

I had thought that I had reached a balance of acceptance.

Knowing and believing that what was and what is was forged correctly in my heart.

There was a beat to everything and I would hear this one at some point in my life.

I would walk along in silence concentrating on ignoring what demanded focus.

A balance that I held still because in my hand was this tiny shard of ultimate power.

Nothing much to look at but something anyway.

Maybe I held on too tight.

Maybe it is simply time to walk deeper into that cold water.

Maybe I don’t believe my lies anymore.

As I opened my hand to gaze upon that shard I found a new level I never knew that could

exist.

I saw the possibility of it being gone.

In fact my heart knew before my eyes could even see.

It was already gone.

Once you go past numb and your steps become automatic

You’ll find your eyes scanning the ground 

Carefully looking for another sharp shard of hope