Hannah Banana Sampson

 My name is Hannah Banana Sampson.

Forget that name or I’ll have to kill ya.

Don’t let my looks fool ya. I can snap your neck between these little fingers. I know all

those fu’s. Kung Fu, Fu shou, Fu tou tui, Gong fu... and being Shi fu.

So don’t Fu with me.

If ya got to know I’m on a job. I’m sure my disguise has you fooled too. At 2 foot 4, I come equipped with the latest gear. My combo night goggles and infrared beam detecting sunglasses. My computerized multifunctional Little Princess watch. I’m connected to the net with this baby. All the information I want at my fingertips. It’s voice activated and responsive too. Shit, if it kept better time I would be ecstatic. I won’t tell you all my secrets but I’ve got things that you never even dreamed of.

When you are a master thief you need the best stuff. Today I’m cracking the safe of some generic millionaire slob. He might even live next door to you. Hell, you’d never know it by the way he lives but he’s loaded. He drives a Ford Bronco that is 6 years old.  A conservative Joe too. Hedges his bet by keeping gold. My favorite stuff, baby. 500 gram bars of 99.5% pure gold. Better than cash. Each bar is worth more than $30,000 US.

I’ll be carrying over a million dollars worth of gold out in my Dora the Explorer backpack. Smiling all the way. Most of these jokers have all sorts of other stuff in their safes too. The last job netted me an 1853 Seated Liberty Dollar! Made a nice addition to my collection. I always find some exquisite jewelry. Those tear drop diamond earrings really go brilliantly with that slinky black dress I have. What? A girl needs to step out now and then. You should see me when I really deck myself out. I’d really knock you dead...