Monday, April 23, 2012
Understanding can sometimes come at the least expected times. Like recalling a name that you can't remember only to have it pop into your mind hours or days later. We are more than the perception of the moment. We are more than the memories of our past. We are more than the hope for a continued future. We are more. I have been struggling with the concept of love. I have held it and tried to witness its face from all angles. I have taken it in my hand and have turned it round and round trying to see which side is up and which side is front. I have pressed my fingers along the sharp cutting edges and I have swooned in the softness of its silky hair. Most of all I tried to understand the link it holds to our existence. I listened to others and wondered if love was indeed a bond. I listened to the whispers and wondered if love could be a gift. I struggled with echoes and dreaded that love could be a burden. I struggled trying to use love as a measure with definitions outlined by others. I found that although love can permeate all of us and all of our existence it is something special unto ourselves. It can be a connection, a bond or a gift. It can be a burden. It can be a song. It can be different for you and different for when. It slips through time and it settles as different colors and different flavors. There are times when I am reading a book and I must put it down. I return to it and read in small sips. My feelings have swelled to the point that I can only endure small parts at a time. There are times that I have to look away during a movie afraid for what is about to happen. How can my heart hold such feelings for a world that is only real inside my mind? There are people that go about their business every day around me. We cross paths and have some shared moments. Some I see again and some I only see from a distance. Many times I am swept away by the whirling winds that surround them. I cannot help but care. I cannot help but admire. I cannot help but love. It is what makes us more. More than a central point in the universe. More than the universe revolving around that point. We are part. Part of something we will never understand. Understanding can sometimes come at the least expected moments and show the most confusing results. Love explodes across the universe and is totally contained in the single beat of a single heart.