In case anyone is wondering...
Things have a way of keeping you occupied especially when your mind needs time to ponder. My mind seems to be most creative when I don't focus too hard.
So work and family and home and body have decided that they all need my undivided attention. They have ganged up on me to stop me from having a long drawn out discussion with my spirit. It seems I feel it is necessary to determine some difficult perceptions on exactly how I think I should be measured.
Instead...
I have shoveled a awful lot of snow. The exercise is good for me but my driveway now has walls up to my shoulder. I have tended the fire in my wood stove diligently to keep from needing to invest monthly in fuel oil. So well in fact that I'll run out of wood shortly and will have used twice as much as I did last year.
Anyone else worried about the economy and their job? I am working harder and bringing home less money and I am damn glad just to have a job. I watched Health Insurance gut my paycheck at the turn of the new year. To help meet the shortfall I have picked up some side jobs. Some weeks I am bone aching tired. I guess that part is so that I don't worry so much about missing my youngest grow up.
Times at home will find me in our band - "Burnt Toast" or our other band "Jurastic Wind". (My son got a thrill out of naming that one). I am of course talking about playing "Rock Band". We totally rock and it is totally addicting.
Of course even with being busy thoughts still slip into and out of my mind. I wonder when and if I will be ready to face those issues that I have been avoiding. Maybe I am still balancing reality with perception.
One of those issues is how I relate to other people. I simply don't understand the rules. My youngest gets mad when I press in too close. There is a personal space that he demands. There is the uncomfortable feeling of sharing too little or too much with people. I tried Twitter and accepted an invitation to Facebook but really couldn't get past the awkward stages. So many people that I'd love to have contact with and yet when faced with the opportunity I either have nothing to say or I say the wrong things.
So there is avoidance.
There is silence.
There is echoes of from the past...
3 comments:
It was nice to see you this morning, even if you are tired and worried and uncomfortable. More rock band should help, I would think. :)
The economy... Age... The weather... and just February in general, make it a difficult time to get through...
Stay busy. Smile... and don't worry!
let the space that you have just be the space it is... it's not avoidance really is it... it seems more like just being honest with the distance that just is sometimes. I find the 'distance that just is' something that has purpose... even if I don't know what it is yet. I haven't been to church in 5 months... because I feel a 'distance that just is' and I'm just honoring it, while also having some quiet time. My blog... it's been a ghost town for a while... the 'distance that just is' just has enveloped the space of going there and jotting nothing down.
why does this happen Michael? I come here, and the 'distance that just is' ISN'T. You have a way of being... however it is that you observe and make mention, that unlocks.
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